heard today that an old friend was found dead in idaho. not suicide, but death from exposure. yes, he was crazy. really. but before he was crazy, he was wonderful. he was someone i worked with at starbucks, but before i worked there, he was the first person ever to remember my drink and have it ready for me when i walked in the door. that may not sound like a big deal, but it was to me- obviously, i’ve never forgotten. there was a day when i went in to work and was feeling shitty- who knows why now- he was getting off work as i was coming on, and gave me one of his winning smiles and told me it would be ok. half an hour later or so, he came back in, with a rose and some baby’s breath for me. i wish i remembered what the card said, exactly, but it was something like “chin up, it’ll get better.” how i wish i could have said those words to him over the past years and have them mean something through his psychotic haze.
who knows why he went crazy- drugs? genetics? and although when i heard my friend’s voice on the phone, i knew- i knew- it doesn’t take away the hurt. the loss. the questions. the fact that he had four small children and a wife who was afraid of him. i never would’ve guessed then that this would be his fate. and ours.
nicky doodle, thank you for being around when i needed you. thanks for playing your guitar, giving me massages and hugs, laughing and smiling in your wonderful way. i pray for your family to find peace. i hope you have, too. xo.
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