feeling better.
realizing why i feel sad is important so that i can stop feeling sad. it occurred to me that duh, my sister is married and far away, one of my best girls here in indy is now married- and no matter what she says, things are not the same as they were… and they won’t be again. that’s ok. i love her, she’s obviously very happy with her husband, but as for out relationship, it has changed. it won’t be the happy-go-lucky way it used to be, simply because now there’s him instead of just us. not to say that’s so terrible, just how it is. this all in the last month or so. also stopped smoking, yay! but there goes another coping mechanism i relied on for many years. it’s ok, it’s ok.
i haven’t been writing much lately, and i’m not sure why that is. just is.
well, here’s stuff that’s happening/happened:
*sent a text message to a friend today without realizing i’d sent it to her old number, which i’d failed to delete. got a response, which led to some texting and realizing it wasn’t the person i thought it was. the last communication? a picture mail of a hand holding a hard penis. um. yeah. i actually kind of thought it was hilarious, albeit rude, gross, absolutely wrong, etc- how’d he know i wasn’t some kid? or cop, or old person, or… anyone but me? still. didn’t give any response, and got an apology later, but still. a definite “highlight” of the day- and by highlight, i mean something hard to forget.
*talked to my two best girls, n and s tonight… we did a three way call. it was sooo fun. it’s been a while since we’ve all chatted like that, since they both live so far away- from me and each other (although n is soon moving to la, too…) i love them so very much. i sometimes wonder if i shouldn’t move back to la, too, since that’s where so many of my favorite people live. it’s not that i don’t love indianapolis, i do. i just wish that my desire to be near my best friends and my desire to be near “home” and family weren’t mutually exclusive- but now, it’s just my dad, his wife, and i that live here- although apparently my nana is thinking of moving here too. is it weird that i feel some kind of responsibility to stick around? is it oldest sister old maid syndrome? ha. kidding about the old maid part- but not about the older sister staying home to take care of the old family members stereotype. i just don’t know if i’d be staying or going for the right reasons. what are the right reasons? the wrong ones? dunno. i guess therein lies the problem.
*i sort of asked out a boy i have liked ever since i met him- even though r and i had just gotten back together, i thought… man, why couldn’t i have met him when i was single?! he’s tall, cute, hilarious, and a graphic designer. i asked him if he’d like to hang out, and said yep, he would. i asked him if he liked frisbee, he enthusiastically said he did… so we’re playing frisbee golf tomorrow after i’m done working. yay! a play date! a boy who will be active outside with me! i dunno if he thinks of it like anything like a date at all- and really, i’m not thinking too much about it, but hanging with a cute boy, even if he’s just your friend, is fun. and hopefully, if things go according to my secret- well, not-so-secret, since i’d announced it to friends… ahem… months before i ever asked him to hang out- we’ll make out. summer 08 make out time! well. i’m getting a little silly. i’m just giddy from my great phone call with my girls.
*got a webcam and have been using skype to talk to family and friends. actually, that’s why i called n this evening in the first place- to see if she wanted to skype (her webcam mic is messed up right now, so no.) i love skype. dang. it’s just like being there! it’s easier to be silly since you can see each other’s faces… i love that. just goofing around- that’s what makes it best for me.
*started watching big love- that hbo show with bill paxton about a polygamist family. have only seen the first two episodes but so far, it seems interesting. listen to me, like i’m so picky about hbo shows (or tv in general!) yes, i love hbo shows. they are pretty much always great- as long as you let yourself take the time to really get into the show. sometimes it takes several episodes before you realize you can’t stop thinking about it, and i know some people don’t have that kind of free time to spend watching a show they think they might like later down the road… i respect that, i just kind of do.
ok, i’ve got to get to bed, my lil peeps.
oh! have to say one more thing real quick cuz something just happened to remind me: indianapolis is hosting this huge bunch of marines- they’ve taken over certain areas of the city for city training stuff- which is really weird to me. i won’t get into all the things i’ve heard and thought about it- at least not right now- cuz i really do have to go to bed… but i’ll just say that it sucks to be trying to get to sleep and have a huge military helicopter (the kind with two propellers on top- the kind in the movies, yanno) flying around over your building. it’s creepy! and freakin LOUD! and their lights are very BRIGHT! i get it, i get it, you have to practice some shit. in my neighborhood. okay, fine. i know i don’t make all the decisions around here. but seriously? every night at midnight? why not nine? ten-thirty, even? or three- when i’m already good and sleeping. ugh. can’t wait for them to be done.
mmk, doodles. gonna sleep tight and let no bed bugs bite. mark my words: i shall be bed-bug-bite free in the morning!
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