thinking things through.
something i do a lot. maybe thinking through too long.
i remember telling myself- literally, in the mirror- that things with r wouldn’t work out. mouthing to myself “this will never work”, or something like it. why didn’t i act?
i used to be all reaction. the older i got, the more people told me i was too reactive, the more times i felt like i fool after i’d opened my mouth in anger, slammed a door, stomped around, and who knows how many other ridiculous, dramatic things- the more i learned to keep it in. to wait and see. to put it aside as best i could.
25% of the time i have to tell myself to wait it out, it could be period brain and not truth.
men don’t have this. they don’t have to discount a quarter of what they think or feel. spent so much time as a kid thinking men and women were the same- and while we should be equal, we are so amazingly different. i haven’t met a guy yet who understood- and how can they? but i never feel great about admitting it’s pms when i cry for no reason at work- or wherever i happen to be when it hits me. i’m sure there are girls who use it as an excuse all the time… but i don’t! it’s not easy sometimes, to admit something so affecting me, that guys seem to write off as a sign of weakness and an assigning of blame.
on an entirely unrelated note: a neighbor’s gonna move out. he’s the crazy guy who lives on my floor. under his door, he’s stuffed newspapers:
every day, seems to be the same papers. but how does he go in and out of his place without disturbing them at all? they’ve been there for months. i’ve seen him, he does come out… he’s moving soon, though, and i find myself looking at the bottom of his door to see if the papers are still there. will he take them when he leaves?
0 Responses to “thinking”