tomorrow

is the first day of the rest of my life.

i have one cigarette left that i wanna smoke tonight so when i wake tomorrow, it’s on. as in, it’s off. trying to quit, but have been waiting for the right time… when is that gonna be, exactly? just want to do it, once and for all. if only i didn’t love it so. looking forward to:

not smelling awful- or if not awful, not like a stinky ash face.

being able to exercise/ be physical more easily (getting in better shape!)

saving money

feeling more in control of my life, my decisions, etc… knowing that i am fully in charge of what i do with myself/ my body

i’m currently eating feta cheese from greece (omigawd. seriously? not supposed to just be overpoweringly salty. this is what i’ve learned by recieving the gift of real greek feta. it’s the shit. didn’t think i liked feta- nope. just don’t like americanized feta. wow.) and thinking back on the weekend… as i predicted, since my period ended i’ve felt much better. yesterday i went to join my family in surprising my grandmother for her 85th birthday. she was very touched, i think. my grandfather died in june- the first day of spring, in fact, and we’ve all been trying to be more involved with her, letting her know we’re thinking of her and love her. it was nice, although there was lots of engagement talk from my sister and her dude, who i totally love, but still. sometimes had to take a break from all the joy to allow myself to feel my sadness without involving everyone else. after we got back from chicago, i stopped by a party for a girl i work with- she turned 26 today (and was mad cuz of daylight savings time, her birthday was only 23 hours long)- i had a beer and we watched this bizarre movie – lila? from a collection called mantis in lace… let’s see, maybe i’ll find something on youtube so you can see what i mean:

(hold, please)

well, there’s only one clip and it doesn’t showcase the lovely lila’s talents in murder, mostly just her coworker at the strip club doing her thing. still, if you’re curious about a 1968 sexploitation film: Mantis In Lace

this morning i got up at my leisure, went and got dim sum with a friend i hadn’t seen in a while, and went to the mall where we were overwhelmed by some little kid cheerleaders every-fucking-where we looked. there’s nothing quite like seeing fifty ten-year-olds in tiny cheerleading outfits with tons of sparkly makeup on in the span of five minutes. no shit. we stopped into a video game place where he had something reserved. we bought it, we left, we paid for the $1.50 parking fee with a $20 and got shit for it from the parking lady. what?! somebody has to break it, sometime! sheesh.

I have a friend who’s been a friend for years- over the last 6 months or so i feel like we’d grown a bit apart- just cuz these things happen. still, recently, due to my new singledom, we’ve been hanging out a lot more. she lives close to me and has been available when i’ve needed to chat, get out of the house for a minute, eat some cereal, or whatever. i’m quite grateful to her for being exactly what i needed when i needed it. that’s priceless in a friend, really. anyway, tomorrow she’s headed to mexico for a week of spring break fun- she’s going to mexico with another friend of ours, and i know they will have a great time trekking around the yucatan peninsula and rocking out the rain forests. i’m kind of sad only because one of my most utilized resources as of late will be out of the country and that makes me a bit… nervous, let’s say. while i’m sure i’ll be fine, it’s just nice to have a buddy so close to your home. maybe i’ll go hang out with her roommate and do laundry in her washer. hmm. something to consider, really. tonight i went over and watched her pack. drank wine. listened to vampire weekend some more. i really like that band- they’re who i’m kind of into at the moment as far as music goes. i’m also pretty interested in going to lollapalooza this year, almost only (haven’t heard the entire official line up yet) because of radiohead. i may end up going with someone i lived with, like, 8 years ago- even if that might be slightly awkward- because i want to see that band. i want to see radiohead. almost more than any other band right now. seriously. so. we’ll see what goes down in the next many months. it’s not til august 1-3, so i should have time to make it work. wish me luck, yo.